Menopause?!?!

今天睡起来就好像欠了他多少钱。。一整天话也不多说。。虽然没给脸色看但就是一副不爽的脸。。一直到evening time我才开口问他'你昨晚没睡好吗?' 他问我why? 我说'那你干嘛？一整天好想我欠你多少钱这样....' 他才说'早上叫你起来一个钟头你都不要起来。。' 我就说'有吗？我真的没记得有这事' 他讲回我一句子'没有就算....' damn pissed... And I rebuke back '你累你就可以睡到晚晚。。我累我就不行。。好。。以后Xinru 睡醒，我就跟她一起醒...

这是什么道理。。真不爽！！！！！！

What a Friday..

真没礼貌。。当我正开始look forward to 周末时，那个没礼貌的人又来找碴。。有的也讲，没有的也骂。。知道的也讲。。不知道的也要讲。。我快受不了了！！！
自从8月多开始。。事事针对我。。不是我做的也被骂，想在shortest time 解决别人不要做的shit job 连一点appreciation 也没有。。还把我骂的狗血零头。。
真没人性。。 今天骂的东西是她自己知道的东西，我也再度被她讲。。还在那么多人面前讲。。TMD....
真的很累了。。每天都scare她有事没事找我来开刀。。
你等着。。那一天即将到。。 既然你那么看我不爽。。那我就实现你的愿望。。

makin it all so messy...

aarrghh!! just gonna leave it la... dun wanna backdate liao... so ma fan and later very messy.. hehe...

sorry for the mess ya... hehe... :P

Backdated - 1st time being a SAHM *posted 30/8-1/9/06*

Day 1 as a SAHM

Yesterday was my first day as a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom) as her infant care centre was closed for renovation after the new management takes over... Well, good time for me to see if i am able to do a good job as a SAHM.. hehe

Well, the nite before, i took over the duties of her night feeding as normally my hubby will be the one doin it.. hmmm it was kind of tired at first cause normally i will be the one sleepin.. haha but it's ok since he gotta work the next day.. After the feed, i put Xin ru down to bed and off i went to bed too...

Morning came, around 5+... i was awaken up by Xin ru and i went to prepare milk for her.. after tat i put her to bed again and i went to boiled her bottles and i went to bed again...hehe until 9+, she woke up liao and now it's time for her to take solid.. hmmm preparin a bowl of multigrain cereal with sweet vegetable organic puree that contains carrots, corn, potato and sweet potato.. Maybe it was the first time she is tryin this flavour, she ate only 1/2 a bowl...after tat, i bring her to shower and dress her up in her Fox Baby Jumper with a long sleeve top and her Fox baby Shoe... She fell asleep after dressing up and i went to pack her stuff tat i need to bring out and change and off we head to Orchard..

First time puttin her into a Baby Lucky Carrier and carryin a bag tat contains all her stuff and off i leave the house to take bus... this is the first time i am takin a bus with her alone.. Well.. lucky she was good when she is outside... hehe We took a bus to YCK MRT station and took a train down to Orchard... I managed to get a seat when we reach AMK station.. Beside us was a Indian old man, Xin Ru is not afraid of him and stare at him.. Then that uncle hold her little hand and smile at her.. Again not afraid.. and that uncle started a conversation w me, askin me if she is a boy or gal *gosh.. tis question again..haha* and ask if she is my first bb...

When we reach Orchard, i bring her to my office.. hehe tat was the main motive as my colleague missed Xin Ru.. my boss was the first one to see her and she carried her.. i would say that Xin Ru is quite friendly oriented cause she is not afraid of stranger and would play and smile when the person play w her and she let them carry too... My colleague started takin pics of her and when lunch time came, i bring her to Paragon Fox Baby to buy some clothing... Ended up spending $106 for 2 dress, 1 top, 1 shorts and 1 set of rompers.. hehe what to do, Xin Ru's mom a Fox Baby lover... hehe

On the way back, i realised tat it is her feeding time.. no choice, gotta find a place to feed her and i went back to the office to feed her... after her milk, she fall asleep... One of my MIS colleague ask me previously why i din bring Xin Ru to let her see the other time i went down with her.. and so i bring Xin Ru to let her see lor... hehe

She was well liked by the aunties there... as she was sleepin, they can't see her big eyes so i woke her up *bad mummy..hehe* then when she open her eyes, they were so excited to see her big eyes and dimples and giggles... hehe Again, play and photo takin session, time to bring her home... Bought her home via MRT train as it started to rain so we took a cab home from YCK station...

When we reached home, she took her milk then went to nap already... then the normal routine happenin when i need to work came again...

These were basically what happen on my first day as a SAHM.. hehe :)

Day 2 as a SAHM

Today was the Day 2 as a SAHM.. Basically today was a hectic day cause Xin Ru was cranky thru the day...

Last nite, she woke up around 3+ for milk.. as her last intake of milk was around 8+ at nite... and she stay awake till 5am in the morning then sleep... My god... me suffer too when she is not sleeping... i also started to realised that she tends to wake up for nite feed ard 3+,4 nowadays.. when she need more milk intake now... hmmm tonight should try to add brown rice cereal into her milk in her last feed later around 10pm...

Back to what happen today...all the way she slept till 7am and she woke up and drink milk... After her milk, she stay awake again and i suffer again.. hehe I NEED SLEEP... hehe but no choice lor... until 9+, finally she went to bed.. an hour later, she woke up.. tis time round, i am really dead tired already... i choose to ignore her noise and let my hubby attend to her.. haha i won.. Hubby went to coax her to sleep.. not sleeping again, hubby bring her out to play her toys... until 10+, hubby try to put her to sleep and in her playpen, she make so much noise that i had no choice but to wake up... haizz

After a while, it's time for her to take her food, again, i make the multigrain Heniz cereal and added the organice sweet vegetable like wat i did the day before for her to eat... I felt so happy feeding her today cause she actualli finish 1 big bowl of the cereal.. hehe GREAT ACHIVEMENT... after the cereal, i showered her and let her go take a nap... after 1 and 1/2 hour, she woke up for milk then she start her crankiness already... she keep refusing the pacificer, put her on bed also dun wan... play also dun wan... basically everything also dun wan.. but her eyes shows that she wan to sleep... so i got to hug her and coax her to sleep in my arms... finally she slept and i out her into her playpen...

I realised the reason why she is so cranky, i realised tat her teeth seems like coming out, there is a white colour things tat feels a bit hard and roungh at her gum.. i realised it last sat but i tink tat day wasn't so bad yet... Normally when i give her the pacificer, she will take and grumble a while but still easy to coax her to sleep.. but not today.. she will keep refusing the pacificer and keep throw out the pacificer when i give her... so i guess tat explains her super duper crankiness....i had to keep tellin her tat 'darling, mummy know u are not comfortable and its painful but it will be fine k.. once the teeth come out, u will feel better already.. sayang k... mummy love u...' then she will make those very ke lian sound to u like tellin me tat 'mummy, i am really feelin not good...' it really pains me to see her like tat....

After abt 2 hr, she woke up and make a fuss again.. her eyes are watery and it's obvious tat she still wans to sleep... she cried and cried and keep tossing in my arms... i had to force her to take the pacificer and pat her to sleep in my arms... 5 mins later, she fall asleep and i put her to her playpen...

Around 5+, she woke up... tis time round at least she has got enough sleep so i bring her out to play her Stars piano.. she loves it now cause she is able to sit now without support and i let her sit infront of the piano to play it.. Hehe she is smart though.. below the piano, there are 3 hanging things tat can be kept higher so that it wun hinder her legs under the piano..normally we will kept it high... and guess what, when she sit infront of the piano, one of her hand automatically went below the piano to search for the hangin things.. but as she cant reach them, she started using her legs to kick them... i tink she remember tat there are things there for her to play cause before she knew how to sit, we will lower the things and put it as a baby gym for her to play... Isn't she smart?? hehe

After playing, it's milk time... i went to make the milk for her then put her on the numbers mat then let her lie on the mat to take her milk instead of me carrying her to drink... After drinkin, she play with her toys again till time to take he evening bath.. as it was raining heavily today, i only clean her up with warm water and soft cloth.. she start to make fuss again when i was cleanin her... until all was done then she stop her fuss... haizz

Once i clear everything, i sleep with her on my bed, talk to her... pat her... sayang her till she is drowsy and put her to her playpen... and off she went to bed... but lately it took quite some time for her to fall asleep cause now that we have lower her playpen, she can flip very easily in it.. and i had to keep puttin her on her back whenever she flip and lift her head high up to look at u... but she really look so cute when she does tat... hehe

and now, when i am postin the blog, she is sleepin soundly but just now she did wake up 2 times to look for pacificer.... hmmm hope she is better tomolo....

Day 4 as a SAHM

Time files... Today is the 4th day as a SAHM... Hmmm i can't really remember how i spend my 3rd day as a SAHM... hehe so shall skip that... hehe

Today was quite meaningful as we bougth Xin Ru to Sentosa... Thank god the weather was good only a little bit hot...

Morning around 8+, i gave Xin Ru her breakfast... Same old food as yesterday lah.. cause i am observing the 4 days rule.. Tat is to let her take the same puree for the 4 days... I increase the scoops of multigrain cereal today to 3 and 1/2 scoop but i tink because there wasn't enough water added so the cereal wasn't that mixed well.. nevertheless, she finish almost all.... Good gal... :)

After her cereal, i showered her and change her afterwhich we proceed to Sentosa... We took a cab from home to Compass Point to take NEL to Harbourfront... There were a lot of people as today is Teacher's Day... We went to take cable car to Sentosa... First time bringing her over, the feeling was so much different... I mention to hubby that, last time is the 2 of us goin there just to watch the Musical Fountain... and now, we have a little bb goin with us.... It feels so different... :)

When we reach there, we went to the Carlsberg Sky Tower... Per admission was $10... so we went there... Each ride took about 7 minutes... just to see the scenery lor.. hehe before going up, the person in charge asked us to take a pic... After takin, we went for the ride... Xin ru was looking around.. lookin so curious... we took some shots and when we went down, we went to view the photo tat was taken earlier on by the person in charge... Hmmm it look nice... only mummy look pui pui... sob sob... The cutest part is... My darling Xin ru was actually feelin so tired and was naggin... and when the pic was taken, she was smiling... hehe we couldn't resist and bougth the pic... hmmm there is a 4R and 4 pieces of wallet size and cost $15... After the ride, we went to sit at the Coffee Bean and had a drink and gave Xin Ru some water also... And Xin Ru is like so tired liao.. so we decided to go home liao... Hmmm although we spend not much time there but hmm $$ spend quite a far bit.. hehe...

We actualli planned to take those normal shelter ride down to another place but the weather kind of hot... so we drop the idea lor... There were so many places tat we intend to go.. but we tink better wait for Xin Ru to grow older then bring her again... at least by tat time she understands what's goin on around her liao... We took a cable car back after our drinks with Xin Ru sleepin in my arms...

After we reached Harbourfront, we went to take a look at the Crusie Fair... hmmm nothing much actually and we went back to Compass Point to buy Xin Ru puree and my stuffs and we went back home in a cab... She is so tired already... after her milk and shower, off she went to bed.... :)

She is still cranky today also... Her eyes still red and always have the 'bak sai' i know it's painful, darling.. Sorry k... Mummy gotta clean it away for u so tat u can see Mummy and Daddy k.... :)

Backdated - Xinru's growing up *posted on 8 July 06*

Time files.... The status 'Mummy' has been hangin on me for 5 months already.. Never have the tots that my life will be movin on so fast... *should consider at a constant pace bah*

I love babies, toddler and kids when i was young.. Maybe because i got lots of nieces, nephews and my mom looks after babies before she stepped out to work... I always wanted to start a family young, to have my own babies.... So when i got married, we din want to hold back havin babies partially also because my hubby is not very young already... I am really blessed tat my wish came true... I was pregnant!! When i got preggy, my confidence level of becomin a mummy in 9 months time starts to have lots of question mark... Will i be a good mummy, will i be able to bring her into tis world healthy, am i able to do my part as a mummy, will we be able to give her a comforty family... a lot of question came to me... but i am glad tat my hubby is able to bring my confidence level up a little... at least i know tat he will be able to provide us with all the necessary things tat we need and he will be there when i need him to be.... and so my pregnancy move on....

After giving birth, i tried to do my very best as a mummy to Xin Ru and i am glad that with the help of my mother, i am able to do a good job, although it's not the best but at least i can do all things myself.... Thru this time, i have learned to be even more patience on things and i have learnt the rope of a mummy...

Seein my little princess, Xin Ru being such a happy baby but there are times when she really make me headache, make me feel tat my life is so blessed... I have a good hubby *Although like Xin Ru, he sometimes make my blood boiled*, a happy and healthy baby and a warmth family... There is nothing much i can prayed for except all of us maintainin our good health...

Today is Xin Ru 5th month on tis earth, seein her bein able to make all kinds of sounds to catch our attention, the smiles tat is always on her face, her responds to us when we talk and play with her, the different milestone that she have made and the nottinest in her... make all the things tat have changed eversince her birth to me worthwhile...

BAckdated - 3 months of Maternity Leave

3 months of Maternity leave seems past in a blink of eyes... How i wish it will never end...

During the 3 months, the 1st month-Confinement was hmmm terrible.. hehe.. As i haf a c-section, my wound is the biggest fear tat i haf.. i started takin of Xinru, my cutie girl from my last week of confinement except for bathin.. Fed her, change diaper...

As time goes by, i was left alone w her... and after my mom taught me how to bath her, i start to bath her myself... the first bath was bad... hehe i am scare and tat make her insecure and cry.. But it's ok... i will try again.. after another 2 times, i can manage her already... so proud of myself.... i am a mother now... doin her laundry, bathin her, doin all the things for her... Initially i was really tired and was quite angry tat my hubby is not helpin me much in the housework...but lucky.. things were dissolved.... :)

As time goes by, we stayed by one another, me caterin all her needs to her... Seein her sleepin so soundly everytime makes me feel so touched...

When she was in 1 month plus, she started doin expression and blar a few sounds to me... Amusing... hehe now tat she is comin to 3 months, she is even more fun to be with... although the 3 months i din go out a lot.. but i enjoyed her company cause whenever i see her, she just bring all my trouble away...

After the 3 months maternity leave, we put her into infant care..i felt sad.. real sad... cried a few times... but i know tat.. tat is something tat we haf to go ahead with....

For the past 2 weeks, i only see her at nite.. and sometimes in the mornin.. but most of the time she is sleepin when i am goin out.. but i wun missed talkin to her b4 i leave the house... and she will always smile to me and tat makes my day start very well.... Whenever i fetch her home after work, i will talk to her and cuddle her as much as i can... and once she smile and talk to me... whatever happen in the office will be off from my mind.... :)

Backdated - My Birth Story

Hmmm kind of long to blog in my birth story ya... :P

Here it goes... On 4th Feb, i went for my routine scan at my gynae's clinic.. He mention tat my 'yang tai shui' is startin to go down.. so was ask to go back 3 days later to see again if it gets lower, i will haf to go and give birth liao... worry that bb might not be very healthy to come out early,so e next 3 days at home, i kept drinkin water...

On 7th Feb, went to see gynae again.. and gynae says that it's still droppin.. was thinkin 'shit..haf been grupin down so much of water, yet make it worse.. (maybe i pass out urine too much) so gynae check for my cervix dilation..and oh my god!! i am 2cm diliated... i felt ok cause my cervix is 2cm dilated means my gal wanna come out liao..so happily make arrangement w my gynae to go down TMC at 11pm.. WEnt for my dinner w my hubby at The Soup Restaurant... felt hungry but could not eat much.. maybe too excited cause i am goin to see my little gal who is inside my tummy for 9 months... when i told my mom that i am goin to give birth tat nite, she was shocked and dunno wat to do... instead, i am the one being cool.. told her to wait at home for the news that bb is out... Another funny one is my brother... mah chiam i dunno go to do what like tat... keep tellin me to be careful and tat to take good care of myself... was thinkin again.. will i be able to do tat.. haha but it's ok la.. he just bein concern abt me and bb...

Reached hospital at ard 10.55pm, was ask to change into the patient's pyjamas..then lie on the bed to wait for me gynae... at abt 11.15pm, my gynae came while my hubby is administering me into the hospital.. Gynae told me tat he will break my water bag to speed up the dilation and i was asked to put on grip which will also speed up dilation.. so i tot wow.. i may not have to suffer tat long hours of labour... My hubby came after i went to pass out all my motion and stayed w me in the labour room... i felt the contractions comin stronger after a while... i bear with it cause i know to give birth, this is the pain i haf to go thru... my determination bring me to ard 3+, 4am.. when the nurse came to check my cervix.. i was disappointed to hear wat she say... she told me 'ai yeo... ur cervix is not dilating well leh... how...can u still handle the pain.. do u wan epidual??' i say no i dun wan epidual.. and hang on to the pain but deep inside me.. i really feel discouraged... the nurse came again ard 5+,6am and check me again.. and say 'amanda, u are only 3.5cm dilated..we see how ur gynae say when he come ard 7am...' at that time i was really sad.... after so long hours w the help of the drip, i am still 3.5cm... i continue to bear w the pain but was hopin gynae faster come...

Slightly over 7am on 8th Feb , my gynae came... and he say tat, by rite, at this time, i should be able to be ready to give birth already.. but looks like ur bb is not in the position or her head is not able to fitted into ur pelvis bone... at tat time, all i could think was 'faster get it over' cause i haf the terrible 2-3mins contraction for the past 9 hours... i felt devasted.... before my gynae came, i told my hubby.. if he say to go for emergency c-section, i will agree... my hubby then say 'u dun wanna try to wait again??' i told him immediately.. if the cervix will dilate, it would haf few hours back... my hubby see my uncomfortable, he just keep silence... i was asked whether i would wan to have totally knocked off or half body... i really lost a lot of strength and determination is really pullin negative.. so i opted for total... i know we wun be able to see the arrival of my baby but i really dun feel good...

At 820am, i was pushed to the operation threate... the nurses there keep me calm cause i was groanin in pain due to the contractions... after a while, the 'ma jui shi' came and after a few words, i went into sleep....

After 20-25 mins, i came to a little sense tat i was bein pushed to the ward... and the next thing i knew tat was i am in my bed and a while just before i open my eyes, my hubby was beside me... he told me our bb is born and she is very cute.. nothin went into my ears.. everything was just like a dream... when i finally woke up, my hubby showed me the video that he took when the nurses clean up my baby... i din feel anything then... cause i am still in the 1/2 off mode...

Until later afternoon, when i was more awake, i ask if my hubby did show me the video and what was goin on.. then a while later, my gal was pushed into the ward, my mom carry her first grand-daughter in her arms and i knew tat she felt very touched... she carried her to me, puttin her beside me on my arms and we took our first pic.... till then i still dun feel anything towards the baby... hehe

At evenin, some of my colleagues came to visit me.. my good frens came with warm wishes.. look at baby... tellin me how cute she is... i felt very happy... :) After all went back, my hubby stayed with me till i slept then went back home.. Poor hubby everyday gotta rush here and there... came early and go back... Thanks god that he is always there for me.... :)

2nd day came.. i was alone in the ward and the nurse pushed bb to me.. for the first time, when i see her sleepin, my tears flow down so automaically... from tat moment, i finally felt that 'Yes, i am promoted and that is my cutie little baby'

Note: initially when i haf to do an emergency c-section, i felt very gulity.. cause i really wanna give birth to her naturally especially she is my #1... but things dun always go tat smooth... But now, i felt tat, it does not really matter whether she came out naturally or c-section.. I only know that we as her parents, haf to bring her up to a correct person and try to give her the best tat we can be... :)